@Geaux2Girl: Your stick-figure family of 6 really isn't necessary. No one sees your minivan and mistakes you for wild and single.
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@KentWGraham: Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
@jdbalani: The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're giving the dog a manicure? ME: No, technically this is a pedicure.
@BitterOldPunk: ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight's penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.