@jonni_howard: "Your storage is full" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app
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@tracyofthenorth: People who say "seriously, another one?" after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life.
@Tmoney68: People always ask why I'm wearing a sombrero in my high school graduation pictures. Clearly, because it was my señor year.
@longwall26: Funny how we say "I drank a *pot* of coffee" instead of "I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword"
@ThaJawn: Me: *dying Priest: God has a plan Me: *dies, goes to heaven God: Great you're here. Can you get me the remote off the table?