@Jewbekah: Your tattoo says "only god can judge me" yet here i am....
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@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
@KamanCider: Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you because drugs are expensive.
@myles_morrison: Any girl who says she's not the jealous type will change her tune when another girl phones you drunk at 3am.
@dshack8: 2nd Rule of Parent Club: If your kid suddenly says "I think I'd better wash my hands", don't question them. I repeat, DO NOT QUESTION THEM.