@Jewbekah: Your tattoo says "only god can judge me" yet here i am....
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@virtualhippie: Being high in front of your parents is like trying to do your best impression of yourself.
@anylaurie16: Yesterday Bill Clinton called Hillary, “the ablest person I’ve ever worked with.” Well, I can see why he’s a hit with the ladies.
@bridger_w: After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, "I'll keep that in mind" and walk off
@JulianLeeComedy: I've just had to reset my password to Delicate Luggage Handler as I was told it had to be case sensitive.