@DandyTruman: Your tweets are so boring the NSA just unfollowed you.
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@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he's got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'm keeping a greater distance behind this truck with a vanity plate that reads "IMTEXAN" than I do behind cars with "Baby on board" signs.