@imadepoopstoday: Your water broke? Do I look like an idiot? You can't "break" water...get back to work.
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@bourgeoisalien: don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: "lift with a straight back!" it felt good
@MsLadyLuvBug: It has been brought to my attention that people stickers on car windows are NOT pedestrian kills,but family members. Removing mine ASAP.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Lord, can I have a pony?" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it.