@NotJPo: Your wife will always agree to let you go out and get drunk with your friends and as long as you're smart and don't go.
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@flashember: [Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] "What the-" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY
@Reverend_Scott: Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
@MisterBombay: I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly