@autocorrects: You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt.
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@scott_towel: Convicted of murdering the English language, he was sentenced to death by elocution.
@TheBosha: Each year more people die in bathtub accidents than plane accidents, but any idiot thinking they can fly a bathtub deserves what they get.
@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.
@GuyConfused: Love my pillow so much because it doesn't leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me.