@LizHackett: You're a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken's done.
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@MrsTomServo: Monopoly banker (inspecting check): Um, I'm gonna have to call the manager. Giant metal shoe: I've been doing business here FOR 20 YEARS.
@TeachersHot: Sunday mornings are a great time for me to reflect on why I haven't killed anyone yet
@phalguy: My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys.
@susie_meister: If we eliminated, "Is your car running ok?" from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak.