@LizHackett: You're a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken's done.
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@stephenjmolloy: Cop: "We'll catch the guy who murdered your husband." Tina: "My husband was murdered?!" Cop: "Shit! Sorry... I have some bad news..."
@LoveNLunchmeat: Flung my bra across the room and it sailed right into the drawer, if any of you are looking to start a basketball team that uses bras.
@KeetPotato: [guy driving the same kia waves as he passes us] son: why did that man wave at you me: because we've both made the same mistakes in life son
@tastefactory: *bumps into an acquaintance in a world where there's no such thing as weather* Uhhhhhhhhhhh