@Kyle_Lippert: You're a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren't you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that's also a liar?
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@MarfSalvador: Derek: You wanna go out again some time? Stephanie: Sure, name the date! Derek: Ok, how about 'Derek & Stephanie 2'
@SteveSuckington: [Shopping with teen son] *sees hot girl* *waits until she gets close* *grabs box of adult diapers* "How are you doing on Depends bud?"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'd run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.