@SardonicTart: "You're free now" I say to my stomach as I unbutton my pants.
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@MissBamantha: I like to pride myself on knowing whether it's Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.
@cariastark: Husband enters vasectomy room Nurse: You sure about this? *I enter, wearing xmas leggings & milk stained top* N: The dr. will be right in
@JohnLyonTweets: I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.