@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
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@Sickayduh: "Doctor, tennis has caused bad pain in my forearms" -There's nothing I can do "There isn't?" -Not until you bring in your other two arms
@Jesssicle: Family dinner. I was halfway through my 2nd egg roll before I realized everyone else at the table had been praying for the last 7 minutes.
@TheAlexP: Rapunzel is my favorite story about a girl who would do anything to have her hair pulled.
@DranoRaul: Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.