@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
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@13spencer: After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must've been really awkward.
@rockymomax: ME: what's wrong girl? LASSIE: *barking and pointing at baby that fell down a well* ME: yes, babies ARE stupid
@Carbosly: You say "save the date", I hear "more time to come up with an excuse of why I'm not going."
@Darlainky: *hands envelope to Santa* I trust you’ll remember this donation to your toy factory when you’re deciding which list I belong on.