@FlyJ_: You're in a work meeting and your boss asks, "Any questions?"
The answer is always, NO.
@AnOrangeSNES: "Honey the baby is crowning!"
*Lifts up hospital gown*
"Well excuse me YOUR MAJESTY!"
@iwearaonesie: a fun thing to do if your wife leaves her fb open: post an argument you had but switch who said what and watch her friends agree with 'her'
@eddiesteadyno: Making reservations for one at a fancy restaurant because every now and then, I like to be wined and dined before I take advantage of myself
@AristotlesNZ: Wife: How's the baby?
Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot.
Wife: Aw. His socks or yours?
Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..
@dreamthievin: I climbed on this seesaw with Rick Astley 3 hours ago.
He's never gonna let me down.