@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus #GoodFriday
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@RyanofAvalon: Friend: "Hey, want me to get out my didgeridoo so I can play for you?" I'd rather you didgerididn't.
@SteveSuckington: I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash. #awkwardbreakup
@usedwigs: Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides.
@TimmyPumpkin: *licks stamp* hmmm tastes weird *mails letter* hmmm mailbox had wings *drives home on flying monkey* hmmm that wasn't a stamp