@UnFitz: "You're just not my cup of tea" I say to someone else's cup of tea.
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@koalaslament: [on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth" HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"
@hot_coughy: When a woman says "I can't even tell you how upset I am right now" just wait 3 seconds.
@AGStr8upNinja: It's not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER. It's the quality of followers.
@david8hughes: The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder.