@peterjames48: You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!
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@Christweetpher_: [black jack] DEALER: 14 ME: hit me D: 16 M: hit me D: 23 M: hit me D: M: D: M: make it look good so my wife believes I was mugged
@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!
@murrman5: officer it's my son's car "just make it stop sir" I don't know how "can you call him" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*