@edwardsnathn: You're lifting weights dude, you're not in labor. Settle down.
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@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: I don't like online shopping. I'm old school. I need to touch it, smell it, taste it. Her: I still need you to leave our lingerie store.
@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*
@HallpassCanada: Adults with big round heads have kids with big round heads so for god sakes please try to date outside your head shape.