@edwardsnathn: You're lifting weights dude, you're not in labor. Settle down.
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@rolldiggity: "Any minute now. Any minute..." -Lincoln Logs, waiting for a phone call from Hollywood
@Marlebean: Eating a banana. Thought I should tell you. Twitter seems concerned about women getting enough potassium. But... why can't I use my teeth?
@notbedelia: When your wife says she needs a new broom it's best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say "OK I'll let you know"