@UnFitz: You're like a semicolon. I'm not sure exactly what to do with you.
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@novicefather: [interview] "I'm not sure your experience is sufficient for this position." me: Trump is president "Touché, you're hired"
@causticbob: MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home.
@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."