@UnFitz: You're like a semicolon. I'm not sure exactly what to do with you.
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@stonedcoldlazy: Got a message from the anti virus app on my phone telling me Twitter was safe. Clearly, the app isn't reading your tweets or looking at pics
@WilliamRodgers: Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working...
@DRUNKdadding: You know when your cat looks at your kids like "thanks to you I've been out of food for 3 days and nobody's noticed" .....?
@bridger_w: It's Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone