@vikkaroni: You're never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
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@mattZillaaaa: Some people wake up in the morning & are all like "omg I'm the luckiest person in the world" and I wake up all like "oh my god"
@Brampersandon_: [Me]: What's a snowman's favorite drink? [Bartender]: idk [Me]: Brrrr-bon lol [Bartender]: ... [Me]: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real
@BlindChow: "I have a particular set of spills," Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt. He looks for a napkin but the last one's already been Taken.