@vikkaroni: You're never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?
@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
@HysteriaBarbie: Relationship status: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU CALLED A STORMTROOPER A ROBOT
@TheThomason: One nice thing about your 30s is people talk less about figuring themselves out and more about where the best sandwiches are.