@salamingia: You're not considered an alcoholic if you're married.
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@Schmoodles: Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not code for 'stripper.' Live & learn, guys.
@abbycohenwl: Watch me get this baby up to 90 miles per hour! - inventor of the baby catapult minutes before he was arrested
@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: Ever had a job? ME: I once worked at a zoo T: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: Definitely not a penguin T: What M: What