@Freudianscript: You're not considered antisocial if no one wants to talk to you.
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@NamestartswithZ: SCIENTIST: You are my finest creation, and I love you like a son even though you've malfunctioned and now only say- ROBOT: Fight me, dipshit
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies.
@mean_spice: Teacher: welcome to health class Me: my friend said you can get a girl pregnant by kissing her? Teacher: sir please just mop the floor