@jordan_stratton: You're not impressing anyone, server who didn't write down our orders. You're just making us anxious.
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Me: ha nice try I: excuse me? M: that's how Lex Luthor beat Superman. I'm not stupid.
@SondraDeeMe: BF: Aren’t you ashamed? ME: Because I complained to the manager about the wait at the restaurant? BF: No ME: Because I ate a large pizza? BF: Because you ate someone else’s large pizza while we were waiting
@shanethevein: I thought I felt a spider crawling on my neck. Now I have to pretend I was breakdancing at this bank.
@EyeSeeYou619: If dumping the last of your chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong then I don't wanna be right.