@thatdutchperson: "You're not pretty enough. Now pay us $3.99 so we can tell you why." - Magazines
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@MandiAtRandom: Don't describe two completely different things as "apples and oranges" they're both fruit Say something like "elephants and crystal meth"
@dlsims01: My co worker is so mad at me right now her eyes are bulging out like a pug. I don't know wether to call 911 or scratch her behind the ears.
@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!
@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.