@thatdutchperson: "You're not pretty enough. Now pay us $3.99 so we can tell you why." - Magazines
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@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@ch000ch: ME: i'm having a lovely time tonight my date: why do u keep yelling "ME" before every sentence
@OtherDanOBrien: *Lady gives balloon to my son* ME: What do u say? SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you