@awkwardphilippe: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME
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@OfficeofSteve: When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines
@KeetPotato: [dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: "aww cuuuute" 2nd time: "ha okay" 3rd time: "i am trapped in a nightmare"
@ariscott: I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.