@northpacific: "You're not the pizza guy." Bin Laden's last words.
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@KatieKatCubs: My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.
@muse_me_again: Just once when someone says, "Is anyone there?" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. "What up. I'm over here. You got me."
@karanbirtinna: I am a brown supremacist. I dream that the whole world will be one giant call centre one day.
@envydatropic: I don't care what bathroom you identify with. If you look under the stall you're going to need a dentist.