@SamGrittner: You're one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What’s not to like about birthdays?
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@DanKCharnley: Don't make me take off my belt because then my pants would fall down and my body looks like an egg on toothpicks.
@chimneyspotter: GOOD COP: Give us a name! PERP: Never! TED TALK COP: Imagine a world where every single human has- PERP: Okay I'll talk, please just stop!
@llvvzz: Your psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you.