@SamGrittner: You're one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What’s not to like about birthdays?
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@SirEviscerate: Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".
@jngraphs: *Tweets funniest tweet ever *Dies laughing *Over 6 billion die laughing *Germany and Russia survive *Coz nobody left to explain the joke
@DothTheDoth: If you know someone who is effortlessly happy all the time, that's a demon. You're friends with a demon.