@shegotagronk: You're so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don't you.
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@FrenulumBreve: [homocide scene] DETECTIVE:"my god, in my 25 years on the force i've never seen a dead ghost." COP:"sir?, we covered the body with a sheet."
@dafloydsta: I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]
@werehedgehog: *yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*