@just1fool: You're supposed to throw rice at new babies and their mothers, right? Traditions are weird.
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@wickedsuga: If you stand in front of a mirror & repeat your top tweet 3X, your pretwitter self appears, smacks you & throws your phone in the toilet.
@WilliamAder: In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.
@Purpell_Nurpell: People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I've never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal.
@DopeyMeme: Emailing teachers be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: "sure" -sent from my iPhone