@jmoneytooreal: You're telling me, a chicken fried this rice
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@_NTFG_: Of course I'm English. I'm the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.
@DamienFahey: Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
@farahfergie: The Cheesecake Factory had a "Help Wanted" sign. I was really disappointed that it wasn't to help eat the cheesecake. #FluffyChickProblems
@YayForJam: Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living