@underchilde: You're the author of your own story, which is probably why it sucks.
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@jimmytorosian: Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be "the dirty guy" and no one will have sex with you
@cupcakelynda: A 23 yr old girl just said I feel like I see people & I think they're my age then I find out they're OLD!! Like, THIRTY!! So I killed her.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out police dislike it when you slip out of your handcuffs. Even if you do say "ABRACADABRA" when you do it.