@underchilde: You're the author of your own story, which is probably why it sucks.
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@DancesWithTamis: With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us
@mostunladylike: [Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies.
@dubstep4dads: me: what do u mean my friend cant come in bouncer: theres no way hes 21 me: but- stuart little: dude its fine lets just go
@pleatedjeans: idea: business cards that just say NO Sir can I have 5 mins of ur [card] Girl can I get ur number [card] BRO DID U STEAL MY NO CARDS [card]