@autocorrects: You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.
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@carlyken: "...until death do us part." *looks at minister* "What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie? Then I can bang other chicks?"
@AwkwardTwitts: "Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"
@SodomyClown: If Romney wins I will punch a basket of newborn kittens one by one. Do you want that, America? Do you want kittens to get punched?
@SamuelHLowe: If you're ever on death row, request Denny's for your last meal so you can live an extra year waiting on your order.