@autocorrects: You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.
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@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: They're just making up new weather with this 'thunder snow' shit. Next we'll have 'earthquake rain' or 'sunny darkness' or some shit.
@mewritesgood: You say "potato", I say "This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."