@STATEofCONFUZUN: You're the Thelma to my Louise. The Ben to my Jerry. The Kanye to my Kanye.
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@weinerdog4life: Of course bears shit in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
@fro_vo: Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four? Me: i have no idea what he's for
@shutupmikeginn: Sing me a song you're the piano man / clean out my pool you're the gardener /now light up my room you're a ceiling fan
@FBSisnothere: Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel