@JihadPizza: Youtube is the only place where you'll find people arguing about religion in the comments of a snowboarding video.
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@shkeeber: 1. Find homeless man. 2. Bathe him. 3. Wash & patch up his clothes. 4. Give him a record player. 5. Congratulations, you own a hipster.
@jimmytorosian: [Writing Silence of the Lambs] Anyone have an idea for the cannibal's name? Jim: Hannibal? Anyone? Jim: Hannibal Anyone other than Jim?
@rickolantern: When you're on a diet everything smells like cookies. Except the guy beside me on the city bus. He smells like sardines Delicious sardines
@TylerLinkin: Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.