@protolalia: "You've got this," I say to myself every time I look up something on WebMD.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: (confronts Beck in line at Jamba Juice, holds up hurried sketch of Beyonce, aggressively does "Single Ladies" dance)
@sameblacklist: If Eve sacrificed the whole human race for an apple, have you ever wondered what she would have done for a cucumber?
@adultblackmale: [i walk up to a woman wearing headphones and take them off her and put them on] nice this song rules. what? sorry, can't talk. headphones on