@protolalia: "You've got this," I say to myself every time I look up something on WebMD.
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@jayonguitar: If your girlfriend offers to make you breakfast at 2 AM. She's probably not your girlfriend and your just drunk at Denny's again.
@dril: my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me
@tourettzgoth: Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
@InternetHippo: If all millennials suddenly died the next day’s article would be “How millennials are driving up funeral costs”