@HeyZeus666: You've got to be twins. You're too stupid to be one person.
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@LizHackett: It's Sunday morning. My 80-year-old neighbor has hiked and weeded her garden. I spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
@Phook75: So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response
@Ristolable: HI MOM. YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won.
@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’