@HeyZeus666: You've got to be twins. You're too stupid to be one person.
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@tat2dsoccermom: So, this co-worker stated that she makes ice cubes with her leftover alcohol. I'm confused. What's leftover alcohol?
@michaeljhudson: Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo
@GuyThe_Guy: They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I have to work tomorrow.