@HeyZeus666: You've got to be twins. You're too stupid to be one person.
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@JoshuaHvr: This is your brain- *holds out egg* This is your brain on drugs- *puts egg on ground, spins it while shining lazers on it*
@julie2288: 90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you're OK with it.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Any weaknesses?" I pick fights for no reason "Can you explain?" *leans in way too close* Are we gonna have a problem?
@Nickadoo: Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya mocha choca latte.