@2tickytacky: "You've lost some weight." sounds suspiciously like "You were a disgusting fatso before, but I was too nice to say so.".
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sfjdotcom: The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn't have been much use in Vietnam.
@SadMeterologist: Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window.
@theshamingofjay: Friend 1: I was promoted. Friend 2: I got engaged. Friend 3: My wife is pregnant again. Me: One of my selfies almost got 50 likes.
@DadandBuried: Women never understand the importance of cords. We NEED to keep all these cords, just in case! What if we run out of cords!