@RocketRankoon: You've won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you'll be a transgender time traveler.
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@KateWhineHall: How come I have to do all this work and you do nothing all day? - my 8yo while doing one chore
@Mikecanrant: *puts baby marshmallows on a porcupine* There you go little guy. Now you're bouncy.
@AnOrangeSNES: I ate the worst cake of my life today, but then again that must have been why it was free at the urinal.
@_davidlucas_: *Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back.