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@wickedimproper: Every time "Cops" comes on I'm like "PLEASE don't show my episode."
@T_Bonezzz: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So i'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave
@abbycohenwl: I heard fish is good for your brain but now I can't get the smell out of my hair
@SternoShots: I sprayed a fly with Axe body spray. He'll live, but he won't get laid.
@amydillon: Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.