@tastefactory: [zombie apocalypse] *my girlfriend becomes zombie* More like zom-BAE! Haha hang on I have to tweet that. *is eaten right away*
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@IncrediblyRich: I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off.
@WheelTod: [Lab] Chief scientist:What the hell are you wearing?! Me (Dressed as Liberace): I thought you said we'd be mapping the genome in sequins
@briancthayer: [Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*