@karlainvt: Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
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@daemonic3: Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? "Mom, it's-" *dad makes throat slice gesture* "No one, Mom. No one"
@StephenBCramer: I installed a mirror in front of my toilet so that when I run out of things to read I will have someone to talk to.
@abbycohenwl: I'm training my cats to use the bathroom like people. It really works! [cut to bathroom: two cats do cocaine off the toilet tank]