@TwiCarlyGleeber: Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one
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@TheSchnizzy: Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume
@myles_morrison: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I said "Hell no. I don't want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home."