Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
? I’m like a bird, I’ll only swim away, I don’t know what a bird is ?
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There are some people who when they hit rock bottom, they refuse to just lie there…
They just pick up a shovel and started digging.
One of the most effective forms of birth control is assembling furniture together as a couple.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can’t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
ME: The kids have ruined their shoes
WIFE: Again? [sighs] Just throw them out
ME: Stop crying kids, your mum says you have to leave
I don’t want to brag but I have a really nice bum. Found him under the bridge.
SUPERVILLAIN: [thrusting kryptonite into my side]
ME: How did you discover my weakness? [gasping for air] I… hate… being… stabbed…