@riklomas

? Client not paid?
? Add opacity to the body tag and increase it every day until their site completely fades away

You Might Also Like

@Rollinintheseat

*Watching a commercial where someone is rock climbing*

*Do not attempt flashes across the screen*

Me: *hasn’t left the couch in 12 hours*

“Okay.”

@lincnotfound

professor x: whats your superpower

ostrich: i lay big egg

professor x [telepathically to x-men]: i can save us money on breakfast

ostrich [telepathically]: egg no for sale

@HeyoShellz

Me: Give me some space, I’m feeling claustrophobic

8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can’t

@thenatewolf

Me: I wonder how a bill becomes a law?

*music plays and the shit on my desk starts singing*

Me: no stop I already looked it up on my phone

@chrisscamurra

CASHIER: its declined
ME: run it again
C: sir, is this one of those fake credit cards they mail out
ME: no
C: your name is “local resident”?

@Parkerlawyer

I just reached in my purse for a pen and found a full 4 pack chicken nugget box from McDonalds.

So I get it, squirrels. I get it.

@_Water_Baby

After reading his last talk to text message, I’m convinced I’m married to a pirate.

@ProdigyNelson

[date]
Me: *ok don’t let her know I’m a bull*
Her: “so what are some red flags for you?”
Me: *sweating* “haha red flags? Where?”

@SteelFontana

I’m always creeped out by the guy who seems to know the age of consent laws a little too well.