So many athletes thank god for their wins, but I want to see athletes who angrily curse god when they lose.
? THE CORONAVIRUS
-Alone time – Might die
-Can horde toilet
You Might Also Like
“We do not negotiate with Pterodactyls.”- President Barack Obamasaurus
I’ll never forget my grandad’s last words on his deathbed.
He said: “I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble…”
One time I swallowed an entire box of Alphabits whole and the only thing I pooped out was the lyrics to a Nicki Minaj song
I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don’t look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning.
You’re a big fat liar! And I don’t believe anything you say!
See if I get naked for you again!!
-Me to my scale as I step off of it
[first Captain to go down with the ship]
Captain: are you sure this a thing? I feel like this isn’t really a thing.
Crew: [already rowing away in the lifeboat]
the council will decide your fate
“Your password is weak”
You’re the weak one
And you’ll never know love
And I feel sorry for you
“I need a boyfriend” No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty.