@SkinnerSteven

🎶 I’m a cat, boy / in a sealed box I hide / I’m Wanted / dead and alive!

– Bon Schröedi

You Might Also Like

@Laser_Cat

I’m sorry Mr. Simmons. I really enjoy babysitting little Timmy, but I’m only 14. I need real money, not bitcoin.

@dorsalstream

I’ve decided to donate my brain to science.

[years later, my brain is used to prop open the Science door]

@DirtyySouthMess

I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.

@LaurelleMartin

My boys are gamers and I’m single

It’s like a race to see who can use the most batteries

@Fun_Beard

What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?

@yungshoelace

i just saw a black girl rt one of those teenage girl accounts saying “i honestly wish I was a teen in the 50’s”………. no u don’t

@glo_stevens

I just ate my yogurt with a fork, because I’ve learned that if it looks like you have your shit together, people ask you to do stuff.

@AndyAsAdjective

[morning]

her: did you dream about me?

me: that depends
are you a member of the Backstreet Boys?

her: umm no

me: then no