I’m sorry Mr. Simmons. I really enjoy babysitting little Timmy, but I’m only 14. I need real money, not bitcoin.
🎶 I’m a cat, boy / in a sealed box I hide / I’m Wanted / dead and alive!
– Bon Schröedi
You Might Also Like
I wonder if Morgan Freeman talks himself to sleep every night.
I’ve decided to donate my brain to science.
[years later, my brain is used to prop open the Science door]
I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.
GUY ON INTERCOM: can I help you
ME: yeah are you guys open
My boys are gamers and I’m single
It’s like a race to see who can use the most batteries
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
i just saw a black girl rt one of those teenage girl accounts saying “i honestly wish I was a teen in the 50’s”………. no u don’t
I just ate my yogurt with a fork, because I’ve learned that if it looks like you have your shit together, people ask you to do stuff.
her: did you dream about me?
me: that depends…are you a member of the Backstreet Boys?
her: umm no
me: then no