“WE ALREADY HAVE IT!”
ME: What do we want?!
ME: When do we–oh
🎶 It’s raining yen. Hallelujah, it’s raining yen
– Winners of the Japanese lottery, probably
You Might Also Like
When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.
Wife: No one’s ever gunna buy your hip hop cooking album. Get a job! *sweeps my papers off the kitchen counter *
Me: MY RECIBEATS!
I want to die of natural causes like being stabbed to death by a rainforest.
I think I’m finally ready to find a boyfriend!
*Looks behind drapes
*Checks under the bed
*Searches back of closet
It’s so hard to meet people these days
Me yesterday: I’m gonna get so much done during this quarantine
Me today: 2pm time for bed
Lord of the Rings is about a bunch of straight men fighting over jewelry.
Sorry I tried to strengthen my immune system by asking your wife to breast feed me.
Him: “Do you want to cuddle?”
Me: “Yeah, let me call the dog.”
Me: Ping me when you are free.
Girl:Ok. *Starts working in 2 Shifts*