@GrantTanaka: 1. gather 'round, young-uns, whiles I tellya bout how yer momma & I met, and also practice this genteel old-timey accent
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@wittwitbarista: I have an ungodly amount of Taco Bell hot sauce packets for being a grown woman who's nutritionally responsible for two children.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Do you want to watch Batman Forever?" Me: "I'll watch it for a couple of hours." Wife: "I hate you."
@shkeeber: My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.