“OK…that Trust Exercise didn’t go exactly according to plan. Once we dispose of the bodies let’s keep quiet about this…AS A TEAM!”
1. Get preg
2. Transfer ur soul to fetus using
3. Give birth to yourself
4. Old body dies
5. Be a baby
You Might Also Like
*Pauses Titanic during the most romantic part*
*Turns to GF*
“You know, Contra was really easy. But I still liked using the 100 life code”
“Your new girlfriend seems a bit, I don’t know…bookish?”
She has a name you know!
“What is it?”
science: the human body is a fine tuned machine
my nervous system: [releases stress chemicals for no reason]
my immune system: [is allergic to pollen, air and ghosts]
my personality: ? [i don’t know who i am lmao]
The scene where Indiana Jones swaps the bags and runs from a boulder but it’s me trying to eat a cookie without my kid seeing me
flight attendant: sir u can’t bring that on the plane
me: this is my emotional support refrigerator
Me: School is closed today.
Son: Huh? You’re my teacher now. Why?
Me: [watching video on how to give your cat a french manicure] Professional development day
Cat:*licks his newly permed tail*
I’m getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room.
Doctor: it’s a beautiful baby girl!
Nurse: what’s her name?
Me: well we both love Kit Kats
Nurse: that’s so cute! Kit, or Kat?
Me: meet Wafer