@tech_pirate: 1 in 5 people are Chinese. Only 5 people in my family, it's either mom or dad, brother Colin, younger brother Ho Chan. I think it's Colin.
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@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz I'm going too fast? Cop: Yes, go back a step. Me: Ok, melt butter and peanut butter in a large pot over medium-low heat. Add marshmallows and stir until melted. Cop: These Christmas cookies are going to be amazing.
@Vodkantots: [on first date] Him: What's your sign? Me: Vertigo Him: You mean Virgo? Me: I mean your stupid fucking questions are making me dizzy.
@KissabiX: I visited you every day in hospital when you were in a coma. They gave me free wifi & coffee, It was the best 2 months of our married life
@KngHnryVIII: If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. #inspiration