Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need “lives” as if I didn’t already know that.
1. Invite snowmen into your conference room.
2. Turn up heat.
3. Negotiate on YOUR terms.
You Might Also Like
Hey baby, are you climate change? Cuz I believe in you.
TSA: Sir, you can’t bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight.
Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest?
Mom: So, do you have someone special in your life?
Me: Define “someone”
Mom: You know, a boyfriend.
Me: Define “boyfriend”
*At an auction*
Me: So…I’m outta cash. 😬
Host: What now? 🤨
Me *bids farewell*
I still don’t understand why people say marriage is so hard when I’ve successfully completed 2 of them…
2019: Crowd surfing
2020: Channel surfing
HER: so what did you want to talk about?
ME [not good at breaking up with people]: do you want to get married?