your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig
Things my wife doesn’t want in cider
You Might Also Like
“This is the bomb!!!” –’90s terrorist
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency?
Me: Yeah, so I’ve heard of leaving your kid at the fire station, do they do pickup as well?
her: i’m going to a concert
me: to see who
her: Bad English
me: sorry, to see whom
You can lead a horse to waterbed, but you can’t make it snuggle.
“I’m turning over a new leaf”
-Adam telling Eve that he’s seeing another woman
That’s one healthy flower bed you’ve got blooming in your backyard. How many bodies do you have buried there?
-My attempts at small talk.
My daughter’s boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I’ll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20
Him: I love murder mysteries.
Me: *trying to impress him* I have been a suspect in four murder cases.
oh cool this article looks like a neat re-“JOIN OUR NEWSLETTER TO NEVER MISS OUT ON THE BEST NEWS EVER BUT FIRST DISABLE YOUR ADBLOCKER ALSO CAN WE HAVE YOUR PHONE NU-“